Online dating gets a bad rap, mostly because people who go about it foolishly wind up being very vocal about how terrible it is. In fact, there are some very simple (but VERY NECESSARY) steps you can go through to ensure a dating experience that is no more unsafe than going on a regular/conventional/offline date.
Keep in mind that when you meet a potential date in ‘real life’, i.e. offline, you will usually have had at least one face-to-face interaction with them — that’s how you figured out that you wanted to date each other in the first place, and probably how the initial asking-out occurred. But with online dating, that first interaction (which tells you a LOT) doesn’t happen until the date clock has already started. So the rules and timeline for things needs to be a little bit different to accommodate for that fact.
1) Use an anonymous email account! Don’t use your real name when signing up for the account, and don’t put your real name into the address itself. Don’t graduate to using your ‘real’ email account with someone until you’ve met them at least once and gotten a positive vibe, and you both would like to continue seeing each other. Don’t give them your MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc. account until you know each other better. And for goodness sake, DO NOT use your work email. You can visit Tech Tips for more hints about how to make email more online dating friendly.
2) Be cautious about what digital images you swap. Only send pictures that you would be comfortable seeing show up out there in the great wild e-world, since you have no control over what happens to a picture once it leaves your end.
3) Be equally cautious about giving out any social networking info. Profiles like Facebook contain FAR too much personal information that you don’t want to display to someone you don’t know well yet. Myspace profiles used to be OK, but have since started including info like your last name and where you work. Remember, people you correspond with on the Internet are still total strangers, so don’t go giving them access to any and every detail about your life.
4) Meet in a public place for the first few dates. This means you don’t go to your date’s place and have them cook you dinner on your first date, or even your third date if you want to be super-safe. It’s a good idea to have at least one pal know about the specific date and time of your first online encounter, just to play it safe.
5) Keep tabs on your drink. In an ideal world, no one would ever have to worry about this tip. But sadly, we are far from ideal. Make sure to monitor your beverage — retrieve your own drinks from the bar, and don’t leave your drink alone while you hit the restroom. These are just precautions, but they are important ones.
6) Arrange your transport ahead of time. If you wind up in a situation where your creepy-vibe-giving date is in a position to drive you home, you’ve failed me! Make sure to make very specific arrangements. For example, “My car is in the shop so a friend is picking me up. She has to get me at X o’clock since she works early. Sorry if this puts a damper on things, but she’s doing me a big favor!” Anyone who pushes about this is bad news. Remember you can always slip off to the bathroom and call a taxi or a friend (who already knows you’re on this date).
7) Don’t have someone meet you at work. Don’t even necessarily tell them exactly where your place of work is. It’s fine to mention your neighborhood, and chivalrous inclinations like wanting to pick a lady up or take her home are lovely, but should be avoided at first. Little white lies such as “I’m parked around the corner, but I have to make a call first” or even simply grabbing a cab home are necessary evils during the online date courtship period.
8) Don’t get overly physical right away. Getting hot and heavy right away tends to lend itself to winding up in someone’s home or a hotel room. These are simply not options for those initial dates, so try and keep the physical contact reasonably restrained (i.e. above the belt, at most) until you get to know the person a bit better. This is a good tip for any dating scenario, of course, but it’s crucial for online stuff.
9) Trust your gut! If you get a bad vibe during an in-person meeting, trust that instinct. Sometimes there are near-subliminal cues that your instincts are picking up on, and it’s worth paying attention to those. If you get skeeved out by a date, make sure to set physical boundaries to avoid getting trapped in an end-of-the-night embrace, or in a situation where you feel like you can’t decline an invitation to someone’s apartment, etc. When you truly feel unsafe, it is far more important to be safe than to be polite.
10) Don’t feel bad or awkward about following any of these rules. Anyone who is a respectful and savvy date will not be overly pushy or aggressive about making you break them. If they are, they are not a person you should be dating anyhow.
